LesQuestes's blog

The old adage goes that "letting go is hard to do," and the older I get, the more I come to recognize when this is especially true. Tonight, my mind is preoccupied, in smatterings, with an event that took place in our community some time ago. Tonight, as I drove home along the dark roads, I couldn't help but recognize that I was on my own dark road, and unable, oftentimes at night, to find the light. I've come to really loathe the nights, particularly at Soltane. Where they used to be my alone, quiet time, where I could retreat to a peaceful and safe space, I now feel myself feeling anxious and ill-at-ease.

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As I pulled the curtains closed, I caught sight of my own reflection in the window. Tired eyes looked back at me, my upper lip was cupped inside my mouth and I paused, somewhat frightened by the person I saw looking back at me. There was nothing lovely about her, nothing smiling; something had shifted in the quietude of the night. It was caused, I know, by a mood, and not my own. Thus, tonight, I am interested in moods, specifically, how other people's moods affect us, how we are affected by our moods. What is a mood? It is a feeling that we experience and that we exude; it is something that lives inside of us, but like a scent also wafts towards others. If it is exuberant, bubbling happiness, than the happiness can be contagious to others. Likewise, if it is depressed, annoyed, frustrated, exhausted, deflated, then that can seep into others and be taken-on by them.
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At night, the demons come out.

The darkness which enfolds me embraces unknown creatures and elements that beckon towards me; I find myself crawling further into my skin and wondering where the courage of the daylight has gone.

At night, the demons come out. Read more »

Two days ago, I had an inspiration, or a deeper recognition, of the important of the word "understand." It was late at night and I was thinking about what it really meant to understand someone, or something. Like any good English major, I broke the word into the two obvious choices, "under" and "stand." Mmmm, I thought to myself, I under stand. I stand under. And then I started to get a strong image of standing under something, or someone. I imagined myself on a beach, my feet in the sand and my arms carrying the weight of something, or someone. The "thing" or "person" in my imagination was a vague hint of something else, but my experience of holding that thing or person, of my feet sinking deeper into the sand, of the stretching of my quads as my knees bent to support the weight and pressure exuded by that which was in my arms, was incredible.

And then I thought, I am supporting! This is what it means to support--to allow the weight of that thing or person push you into the ground as you support them, but you have to be careful, I realized, so as to not allow it to totally crush you. You have to be strong enough to support the realities. This recognition was, to me, inspiring. It was a real comprehension of what it means to support someone--it means to actually carry, not lightly in one's heart, but in one's body, in one's limbs, in one's heart, and with the awakened mind (if I fall asleep, then I'll drop the thing or person, no doubt). Read more »

I've been thinking a lot about bodies lately, particularly how it has, within Mystery Schools, been treated as a temple and how far our societies seem from having that perspective. I have a profound appreciation for the human body, for all bodies, for that matter, and for just how extroardinary they are. I frequently find myself contemplating how something apparently so simple is complex in function--like the eye, the finger; I even wonder at nails, hair, or how voluntary versus involuntary movements occur.
 
This is one way to perceive bodies.
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This evening, I sat down with friends to watch a Heydey film called The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. The English accents, accompanied by the lyrical background music, which melodiously wove itself with the cinematography, all belied a hauntingly sweet tale of a young would-be Explorer in WWII Germany. At the end, I was stunned by the lack of graphic violence of the film, and, instead, its simplestic, imagined violence. The film portrayed, and powerfully so, itself as seemingly innocent, successfully guiding the viewer through the eyes of its protagnost--an eight-year-old child named Bruno. The ending, however, spelled out a far more profound truth, in a way that was so basic, that it stung fiercely. Read more »

I've been experimenting lately with the power of altering my thinking--I notice that when I am excited about something, that oftentimes those around me are, as well. When I am struggling to get someone to move to do something they absolutely resist, I am becoming aware of my own resistence. None of this is new or revolutionary, but the power of shifting one's perspective or feelings can have a revolutionary effect. For example, I have a difficult time myself just getting jazzed about going to the gym to exercise (it's one of the saddest examples in contemporary society of how sedentary we've become) and yet I ask many students I live and work with to get regular exercise. If I am not willing to do it, how can I ask them to be willing to do it? It's a moment to remind myself that I need to be a living example for myself and for others. Read more »

Last night I had a dream. I was driving in a car on a highway into a big city, when all of a sudden, I noticed beyond the city two giant tornadoes. Their trajectory was to plow straight through the city, and particularly towards the area where I was, where there were many highrises and business buildings. Ahead of me, I began to notice as car after car was pulling underneath the overpasses, but no one seemed to actually be trying to put their cars there, nor themselves under any kind of protection; they only seemed to be staying within the vicinity of the overpasses.

I pulled over, parking my car closer to under the overpass and tucking myself further away from its big, concrete columns and closer to its ramp. I waited, watching as one tornado in particular seemed to actually be heading directly for us.

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