Having Conversations that Matter and What Makes them Work: Part II

We often face with dread having to get to the heart of the matter, to what really matters to all of us, because this is where most of the charge is present. But there is no good conversation that does not get to the heart of the matter. Just how to get to it is the question. Have you tried an appreciative approach?

An Appreciative Mind

We can either see the world as a series of problems to be solved, or as potential to be unleashed, and which one we choose makes a tremendous difference. If we adopt the second one, we implicitly acknowledge that whatever the problems be we are part of them, and we can start to see how we also contribute to them.

The way forward lies in finding common ground, and that’s best done when we are  clear on what we don’t agree on. But, just leave that aside as soon as you know it because you can’t work on disagreements! For small groups you can use formats like the Focused Conversation, Bohmian Dialogue, Study Circles, the Conversation Cafe format (click on Host Manual), depending on what you want to achieve.

At the organizational level, this is the basis for the work of Appreciative Inquiry, Theory U, World Cafe, Future Search, Open Space Technology, etc.

Framing Questions that Matter

Communities, groups and organizations move in the direction of their images of the future. These images of the future are shaped and molded through the conversations we hold and the stories we tell each other. In turn, the stories and conversations we tell each other are informed by the questions we ask ourselves individually. So the questions we ask ourselves determine the outcomes. Are we asking ourselves about potential and growth or about problems and limitations? And how do we ask these questions?

We live in a society that doesn’t encourage asking questions, since we can find quick answers at a click of the mouse. And asking good questions is very much an art. So try asking ‘powerful questions,’ questions that:

• are simple and clear
• are thought-provoking
• generate energy
• focus inquiry
• surface assumptions
• open new possibilities.

Here are some criteria you might ask yourself in order to craft powerful questions

• Is this question relevant to the real life and real work of the people who will be exploring it?
• Is this a genuine question—a question to which I/we really don’t know the answer?
• Is this question likely to invite fresh thinking/feeling? Is it familiar enough to be recognizable and relevant—and different enough to call forward a new response?
• Is this question likely to generate hope, imagination, engagement, creative action, and new possibilities or is it likely to increase a focus on past problems and obstacles?
• Does this question leave room for new and different questions to be raised as the initial question is explored?

An example of questions going from vague to specific, from problem oriented to resource-oriented: from “What is the problem in our communication and how can we fix it?” to “What is good communication?” to “What do we need to be able to communicate better?” and finally the more specific “What are the elements of a good communication system in our organization?” You can break this question down by enquiring first on an appreciative tone “What have been the most efficient communication practices in the past of our organization?”

A good resource for asking questions that matter is the PDF The Art of Powerful Questions.